Brad and Jen's break-up remorse

So Brad and Jen have been spotted together having dinner, hands all over each and goey-eyed. Which proves that you may have a BMI of 2 and a midriff that could hold up a five bedroom house, but you're not immune to break-up remorse.

You break up and suddenly you feel like the girl in the Tampax advert: freewheeling down the road on roller skates in a blaze of single bliss (and confident in your knicker hygiene). You can eat cereal for dinner and leave your legs to fur over.

But the rolled oat dinners and in-built leg warmers can't stop the persistent drip drip of doubt. How long can you keep filling the black plastic sack before you finally relent and take out the rubbish? Who will fish the spider out of the bath? And when will you have another shag?

That's when break-up remorse kicks in. You get your glimpse into a shag-free, hirsute future and suddenly you're reaching for the phone. First a coy text, then a short casual call (sample: "just thought i'd say hi") and then suddenly it's a flood of late night phone-ins. Finally, you crack and suggest meeting up. Out comes the razor, your La Senza specials and the fresh sheets before you race out of the house to outdo this blatant wrong.

So maybe Grammy Betty will be right. Bran and Jen could get back together. As the rubbish starts to leak onto the kitchen floor and she starts washing in the sink whore-stylee to avoid the spider, break-up remorse might get the better of Jen.