Hands-free Mum

Money clearly buys you one thing: another pair of hands to do the things you can't be arsed to do yourself. If Britney can't be bothered to put on bra, let alone wash or even brush her hair, she sure as hell can't be bothered to carry her own son. Enter Nanny so that Britney can go to the mall and eat fried chicken with two free hands.

So if you're not holding the baby, let alone breast-feeding him (in other words killing him with formula), then why did you bother to have him? If it was to hold onto K-Fed, then you know that plan's flawed. Baby or no baby, he only loves you for the number of zeroes you've got in your bank account.