Love sick

Anyone with a delicate disposition should avoid all entertainment news. Got a hangover, acid reflux, a baby on the way or any other condition that makes you feel nauseous? Because Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are sure to bring the bile to the back of your throat.

Any man over 40 who uses the word 'cool' is not cool. Mix it with a declaration of love - in this case Cruise's love for Holmes being 'beyond cool' - and people on planes should be reaching for the sick bags.

Holmes is equally guilty. Calling herself "the luckiest woman in the world" is not only vomit-inducing but also factually incorrect. Going out with a short, control-mad Scientologist divorcee doesn't make you lucky. It makes you young, insecure and easy to manipulate.