Silver sex

Oh Colin Farrell. Why do you always need to jump on any old celebrity bandwagon and then take it that bit too far? First there was the drink and drugs, years after River Phoenix and Robert Downey Jr cornered that market. Then there was the high-volume casual sex. Blah blah blah. Remember Michael Douglas’ sex addiction? Colin, it’s all old news.

And so is this week’s revelation, quite literally. Now that young Hollywood stars think it’s cool to date considerably older celebs (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes being this week’s couple celebre), Colin just had to get in on the act. But being Colin, he had to strip the deal of any class or finesse. He didn’t want to date someone older for their experience and wisdom; he just wanted to get his rocks off with an old lady.

Apparently Farrell spent two and a half hours begging seventy year-old actress Eileen Atkins for a no-strings attached shag. Clearly a woman of taste, or at least one who can recognise a walking, talking STD, she said no on the grounds that she wouldn’t look so hot with her clothes off. She still weighs the same but it’s all distributed in a different way.

She needn’t have worried. If Colin really is the career drunk he claims to be, his blood will be distributed unevenly too. Usually to swell his overinflated ego rather than his manhood.