Wedding Spice

Even if her own marriage is going down the pan, Victoria Beckham can bathe in the reflected glow of Liz Hurley's totter down the aisle. Liz has asked Transparent Spice to be one of her bridesmaids and while Victoria is pleased to have been given the honour, she's also understandably worried about what Hurley might make her wear.

Stupidly Victoria thinks frumpy dresses and flat shoes are on the cards. Surely, as Liz's friend, she knows that the Hurley wardrobe consists entirely of crotch-hugging white jeans and inappropriately revealing dresses. So the chances of ending up in a floral meringue are slim, if not as wafer thin as Liz herself.

Only the other bridesmaids should be worrying. Compared to Hurley and Beckham, they are going to look huge, even if they don't have to wear a chintzy armchair. It's the skinny girl's law: always have a fat friend to make you feel better on your down days. One guess where Elton John is going to be standing in the group photos.