Stranger than fiction

Sick of all the tabloid speculation, Brad and Ange have decided to set us all straight about a few things. According to the happy couple, the following 'facts' are nothing more than some journalist's wet dream.

• Ange has not signed on for Tomb Raider 3 and has no plans to play video-game heroine Lara Croft any time soon.

• Brad is not trying to convince Ange to join the cast of Ocean's 13.

• Ange is not looking to adopt a Namibian baby.

• Ange is not planning a "water birth" or to name the poor baby Africa.

• Ange's sick mother, Marcheline Bertrand, is not dying and did not ask her daughter to give birth in France as a "dying wish."

• Brad, the tight arse, did not buy Ange a "fidelity necklace" as a pre-baby wedding gift. In fact they currently have no plans to marry.

• Finally, Ange is not planning to buy a small African nation of her own.

I'm personally sad that that Ange won't be buying her own country any time soon. Imagine the democratic rights for citizens of that free-loving nation. Joliana's constitution could read:

Thou shall -
Covet and then steal your neighbour's husband
Commit adultery
Wear your husband's blood in a vial
Marry and divorce crazy men
Create a pick and mix family at whim
Wear black all the time

Any more we can add?