PR offensive: round 462

Tom Cruise has been taking it easy of late. While Katie has been spotted out shopping, naturally sans baby, Tom has kept out of the public eye. We say 'Thank Christ' but he says 'Time for another staged heterosexual moment'. So, here we have Tom and Katie locked in another 'passionate' embrace. The tight black t-shirt, bulging bicep and firmly pursed lips, never mind the man operating what looks like a giant light behind them, couldn't possibly mean that this is just yet another PR job, designed to keep the straight flag flying especially now that baby Suri is about to make her first public appearance. The mysterious Suri, who is more elusive than the Scarlet Pimpernel, James Bond and Osama bin Laden rolled into one, is about to be unveiled in Vanity Fair. Nothing too high profile then, Tom. So the baby might actually exist but is it actually his? Or Katie's? My money's on the black-haired baby belonging to Cruise's Hispanic maid. That way Katie is spared sleeping with Tom, or at least a visit from the turkey baster, and stretch marks. And Tom gets a baby without having to see, never mind fiddle with, a lady's undercarriage.