Break-up Sunday

I thought Sunday was meant to be a day of rest but, given today's round-up of relationship disasters, maybe it should be the day of divorce. Firstly Britney is facing her inevitable fate as a single mum. Apparently feckless Fed is out drinking with his pals most nights, leaving Britney at home with the baby. See a pattern of absent fatherhood developing here? Britney had better worry if he goes off on tour as a dancer because that really will be the end of it.

And while they're screaming at each other in Malibu, the Spears/Federline rejects are hatching an evil plan of their own. Shar Jackson, the mother of Kevin's forgotten kids, and Jason Alexander, Britney's Vegas husband, are looking suspiciously close. That would be some kind of revenge.



Then TV presenter is Ulrika Jonsson has admitted she is getting divorced from her husband. He was a contestant on a show called Mr Right, she was the presenter. You get the rest. Two years and one child on, they've split, leaving Ulrika with three kids all fathered by different men. Has she not heard of contraception?

And if you ever wanted to know the real definition of a soulmate, wait no longer. Madonna has thoughtfully redefined the word for us. Forgot compatibility, empathy and a shared sense of humour, Madge says your perfect partner is someone who "pushes all your buttons, pisses you off on a regular basis". Once she realised this, she no longer wanted to divorce husband Guy. Just what kind of planet is she living on? Someone who pushes all your buttons is usually related to you (or is your boss) - not your husband. Makes you wonder if Madge really fell from that horse after all.