Borderline

If you've ever wondered exactly when mutton starts to look really bad dressed as lamb, well look no further. Judging by Madonna's latest revamp, I'd say 47 was the upper limit. Madonna did the 1970s in the 1907s, then again in the 1990s and now again for her new album. And third time round it's doing her no favours. She's dressed like an extra from the Starsky & Hutch film, possibly playing the part of probation officer by day, go go dancer by night.

No one can carry off that Farah Fawcett hair, not even the woman who almost looked good in an enormous, pointy 1950s bra. The tiny jacket makes her skinny body look too long. And, her cheeks might be waxy smooth, but smiling is putting a lot of strain on her frozen face. At least the brow lift looks like it's working though.

Madonna's stylist should go the same way as Guy Richie's cinematic muse: out the door. They've both outstayed their welcome by a couple of albums and films a piece.