Diamonds are a boy's best friend

David catches sight of himself in the mirror

Brooklyn Beckham is likely to be sulking today. Unlike most six-year olds celebrating their birthdays, Brooklyn won't be trying out his new bike or building a murderous rage with Grand Theft Auto. Instead poor Brooklyn will be admiring his new earrings. They may be worth £25,000 but they won’t keep him occupied for hours or win over the bullies at the school.

His new earrings – copies of his Dad’s more expensive jewellery – will be heavy on bling (and have a great resale value) but low on fun. And the poor boy has not one but two big diamonds in his lobes. Which makes me wonder about Victoria and David. First they give a little boy a girl’s name (Cruz) and now they give a little boy a pair of diamond earrings. Romeo, whose flowing locks already cause some gender confusion, must be dreading his next birthday.

Give it ten years and all the kids will want for their birthday is gender realignment.