The Wedding

So the happy day has been and gone and Katie Holmes is now Mrs Cruise. It was good of Katie to buckle at the knees so that she didn't look taller than Tom in the official photos. It was also good of Victoria Beckham to try and steal the limelight at someone else's wedding. There's nothing like shrink-wrapped fake breasts and a great wheel of a hat to divert eyes away from a demurely attired bride. But at least the black outfit was an improvement on the bizarre tutu she chose for dinner the evening before. Unless you're a professional ballerina or under five, you're not going to get away with a tutu.

And the less said about JLo and her cadaver the better. I never thought I'd advocate fake tan but for God's sake, get that man some paper pants and spray him now.