Double Trouble

Rehab, what is it good for? In the words of Frankie Goes to Hollywood, absolutely nothing judging by Lindsay Lohan's current predicament. Two weeks out of rehab (or should that be smoking round a pool out of sight of the paps) and she's got herself into even more crap than before. She was arrested this morning in Santa Monica, California, for allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol. Not only is this the second DUI arrest in less than three months but police also found that Lohan was chasing another car at the time. And, she was carrying cocaine and driving on a suspended licence. She can kiss goodbye to partying and her career for a while and say hello to the orange jumpsuit.

Mugshot from TMZ.com

Football LA style

In England, going to watch a football match went hand-in-hand with greasy burgers, woolly scarves and huge crowds of drunken men. In LA, going to watch football has taken a decidedly glamorous turn. Instead of fried food laced with salmonella and men swilling beer, you've got Hollywood stars and red carpets. Gone are the woolly scarves, football shirts and big white trainers and in come couture gowns, paparazzi and big hair. Oh and Scientologists, of course. David Beckham, you've got a lot to answer for. http://www.tmz.com/tmz_main_video?titleid=1119262352

Revenge is a dish best served for lunch

Is your heart bleeding right now? Well, it will be when you read about the terrible time poor little Angelina Jolie is having. Apparently Brad took Shiloh to dinner at ex-wife Jennifer Aniston's house and Ange is not happy. Ah, our hearts collectively bleed for you. After cheating on Jennifer, publicly humiliating her and pumping out Brad's baby, a lunch is the least she can have surely. But according to Star magazine, Brad and Ange are over if he ever goes to lunch again.

"Angelina went totally ballistic," said the source. "She was shouting so hard at Brad that the veins were bulging in her neck. She told him in no uncertain terms that they were finished if he took Shiloh anywhere near Jennifer again. Angelina couldn't believe it. She asked Brad what the hell he thought he was doing, and why he was humiliating her like that."

This is the bit I love: "Angelina told him, 'She, Jen, is just loving it. Can't you see? She's in touch with your mom, too. She might as well move in with us.'"

You can see why Aniston is doing it. She's waited long enough to get her revenge, first with Mommy Pitt and now with Baby Pitt. But what is Daddy Pitt up to? No good, that's what.

The Devil Wears Pants and Little Else

It's nice to see the Beckhams haven't lost their good, old fashioned values now they've moved to America. They certainly haven't been sucked in by the materialist values. You just have to check out Posh's new car. And they certainly haven't fallen for the superficial, vain Hollywood thing. Just look at their W cover. You can almost imagine them taking the kids to church on Sunday dressed like that. Or in any of the outfits featured in the spread. So, contrary to expectations, they haven't sold their soul to the LA devil only because they don't have any soul left to sell. Look inside their chests cavity and you'll probably find tattooed adverts for Gillette, Posh's jeans and just about anything these two cheap horrors will put their name to.

You Can't Stand Me Now

Kate Moss does, it seems, have some standards after all. She has finally snapped after being pushed one step too far by cadaverous death wish boyfriend Pete Doherty. Now most women would have seen a serious heroin addiction as one step too far but not Kate. Nor did she see a string of arrests, rehab or a prison sentence as reason to run a mile from Pete. His rotting teeth, scarred arms and deathly pallor seemed to attract her rather than scare her off. With that relaxed attitude to a boyfriend's CV, Pete could almost be forgiven for thinking that a quick snog with another model would be alright by Kate. But apparently not. After Pete was spotted locking lips with a South African brunette called Lindy, Miss Moss stormed off to Paris with nanny and daughter in tow. Pete, meanwhile, has been left to move his random collection of tat out of her house and into a caravan. Ah, it's all well and good being a drug addled poet living in the lap of your girlfriend's luxury but it's quite another living in a mobile home surrounded by a broken piano and blood strewn canvases. I wonder who will snap first. Will he go begging to be let into her warm Primrose Hill mansion? Or will she give him another chance?