Thursday, July 28, 2005

Sibling rivalry

Maddox Jolie is not a happy boy. His Oedipal idyll has been broken by an unwelcome interloper - new sister Zahara. Despite clamouring for an African sibling for quite a while, Maddox is now not best pleased with the reality. Out go pictures of Mummy carrying Maddox everywhere and in come pictures of Mummy carrying Zahara everywhere. Now living chez Pitt, Maddox has decided to make an official complaint about the situation. By writing all over Brad's pristine walls with his crayons. Nice work small man.

Penn the Peacemaker

Strange times, my friends, strange times. Sean Penn is trying to patch up things between Jude Whore and Sienna Miller. Now call me old fashioned but Sean Penn is not the first person I'd call on to patch up my relationship. He's known for hard drinking, a fair bit of womanising and punching random people. So not exactly the most obvious person to reunite to English upper middle-class fops. Still, if they don't buckle down, he might rough them up a bit.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

That old chestnut

As the amassed flowers wilt and rot, Sienna has found a better way to get her own back on cheating fiance Jude 'Where's my hair?' Law. Instead of staying home and weeping into her chick lit, Sienna has been out draping herself over Orlando Bloom. Is he really just a shoulder to cry? Or a silly ruse to make Jude jealous? You decide.

Meanwhile, back in reality, Angelina wants to adopt another kid. To complete the family she's now after a Russian baby. It might be a bit Benetton ad but, unlike most celebrities, she's actually doing some good. Oh, and shagging Brad Pitt. Nice work.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Fidelity not flowers

Jude Law ist labouring under some Stone Age assumption that sending a lady flowers will sort out any romantic mishaps. Forgotten her birthday? Flowers. Got drunk instead of going home? Flowers. Sleep with the nanny for three months. Call me a feminist but I'm thinking flowers just aren't going to cut it on that one.

He can send all the bouquets, hand-tied posies and baskets he likes (and apparently he has been bombarding Sienna with the contents of every London florist) but I'd be surprised and very surprised if it made a difference.

Can't stop shagging other women even if you're married or engaged? I don't think Interflora can't help you with that one. Maybe Arseholes Anonymous.

And that other arsehole Pete Doherty has finally got himself dumped by doormat Kate Moss. After brawling on the streets of Camden Kate lost her patience (and any last shred of self-respect) and gave Pete the big finger. About bleeding time but I suspect it's only a matter of time (roughly about three minutes) before she takes him back.

Monday, July 18, 2005

As you really don't like it

Far be it from me to gloat over the misfortunes of a fellow female at the hands of a libidinous man, but Sienna Miller should have seen it coming.

Jude has admitted to having an affair with his kids' nanny. Or rather Jude admitted to a fling with his kids' nanny after said nanny sold her story to the tabloids. Jude then banged on about his regret and shame.

After his wife-swapping escapades Sienna should have guessed that Jude finds it hard to keep the contents of his pants to himself, even if he has a wife/fiancee/any seemingly insignficant romantic other. Ditch him now before you find him lusting over the dustbin man.

Elsewhere Zach Braff has broken up with Mandy Moore and Sandra Bullock has married handyman Jesse James.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Music not porn

Snoop Dog has blamed the music industry for the collapse of his marriage. It's got nothing to do with his own line of porn films then. "The music industry is a mother, man, and it'll take your vision and blur it," he said. Could he be mistaking music for vigorous masturbation?

And could Brad Pitt be suffering from the all too vigorous demands of Angelina Jolie? He was apparently rushed to an LA hospital yesterday with 'flu like symptoms'. Like hot, sweaty and weak-kneed? The poor man probably just needs fluids and a good lie down.

Proof at last that Jude Law is morphing into Robbie Williams. The foppish floppy cravat, feckless smile and fit bird. It's all there.

The first graduate of R. Williams' finishing school

And finally Mischa Barton from The OC, a woman often mistaken for an anoxeric bag lady, has split up with greaseball Brandon Davis. Again. What brought you back to together last time? Was it Brandon's huge personal wealth?

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Scarlett, Britney, babies blah blah blah

Scarlett "Dear God, I can't act and yet I'm so famous" Johansson is apparently dating Josh Hartnett, testament to the enduring curse of Pearl Harbour.

Britney may be having twins. Or is she just chubbing up?

Anna Friel, best known for her name check in Madonna's Ray of Light, has had a baby girl called Gracie.

Kate Moss has asked Mario Testino to take pictures of her impending nuptials to Narcotics Anonymous' endorsement advert Pete Doherty.

Keith Richards is going to play Johnny Depp's dad in the next Pirates of the Caribbean.

And as if there isn't enough suffering in the world, the Spice Girls are said to be recording a comeback album. Unlike other bands who at least try to be in the same studio at the same time, the talentless group are reportedly all recording their bits separately in their home cities.

Overheard in New York

Judging by this website people in New York have far more interesting conversations on public transport than they do in London. For example, this week's genius entries on overheardinnewyork touch on midgets, beating off guys with sticks and giving birth to dogs.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Paris London

From Popbitch comes news of a fantastic encounter between Ricky Gervais and Paris Hilton.

Backstage at Live8 Ricky was at the side of the stage. Paris walked up to him and said how much she liked his stuff.

Ricky: "Have we met before?"
Paris "Yes. I'm Paris Hilton"
Ricky "Oh, sorry Paris, I didn't recognise you without a cock in your mouth."

Exit Paris in a huff.

Friday, July 08, 2005


As a Londoner born and bred, it seems strange to put Al Qaeda, bombs and London in the same sentence. New York and Madrid might have been hit by terrorist attacks but you just don't expect to see landmarks of your daily, mundane routine - Kings Cross, Liverpool Street and Moorgate - as the targets for extremists. At least, we all hoped that the inevitable would never happen to us.

Going to work this morning seemed both incredible normal and hyperreal. We were back on trains and buses but, instead of the usual morning torpor, everyone was acutely aware of their fellow passengers. And the empty streets.

It's okay for Tony Blair to bang on about how we must protect our way of life but he doesn't have to walk the streets or get on public transport. It's bodyguards, bulletproof vests and helicopters all the way. Maybe it's time to mull over his decision to go to war with Iraq. He can hide behind his phalanxes of security but the two million people who protested again the war can't.

go to for good local coverage of London.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

One Degree of Separation

I've never tried to work out the six degrees of separation between Quentin Tarantino and Britney Spears but you just assume it's going to take a good few twists and turns to set up that chain of connections. That's not true as it turns out. All it takes is one strange degree of romantic separation.

Quentin has been spotted smooching up to Shar Jackson, the cruelly dumped girlfriend of Kevin "No Friend of Soap" Federline. The Fed is the missing link between trailer trash and literate film director. That's one hell of an evolutionary leap from Hit Me Baby to Kill Bill. And what ever happened to the Tarantino-Coppola romance?

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Oh Baby

Despite being spotted shopping for baby clothes and cots in Harrods, Angelina Jolie denies that she's pregnant. Maybe she's a compulsive shopper, maybe her son is freakishly small and can only wear baby clothes, maybe she's shopping for Britney or MAYBE SHE IS PREGNANT. Let's just see if Angie goes the same way as Jennifer Garner.

Talking of shopping for a baby, Tom Cruise is going to marry Katie '£5m pay-off' Holmes this autumn. Wonder what will be on their wedding list? A reality check and the number of a 24-hour rentboy service?

Monday, July 04, 2005


The line-up may have been full of old rockers (just who wants to see The Who? Hackneyed music and a kiddy fiddler?) but it didn't stop you getting sucked in. The concert did little to dispel a few facts: Dido really can't sing, Pete Doherty is only famous for mainlining, Mariah Carey is crackers, Madonna tries to stay hip by saying 'fuck' and Macca should lay off the hairdye and the surgery. And most of all, the British just absolutely love Robbie Williams even if he hasn't done anything notable for the last few years. All he has to do is trot out Angels and we all worship at his altar.

As for the Beckhams, the question as ever is why? Why let David talk? And why give Victoria any opportunity to pout on TV?

But it doesn't stop you from all doing your bit for Live8.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Jen and Silent Bob Strike Back

Another day, another celebrity wedding. This time it's Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, who have finally taken that old ill-advised walk down the aisle. Not only that, but Jennifer is, as predicted, pregnant.

The pair hooked up only three months after Ben and former serial fiancee Jennifer Lopez broke up last year. Jennifer Garner, for her part, had just got divorced. All in all, it looks like a marriage made in rebound heaven.

And pity the poor child. With Ben's expansive forehead and Jennifer's knuckly chin, that baby can write off a career as a child model.

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