K Infidel

Suddenly Britney Spear's descent into slutty madness makes sense. When you know that her lovely husband started an affair with an 'exotic dancer' and former 'adult actress' just weeks after Britney gave birth, then you can see why she'd go on the rampage.

It seems that the lovely Kevin met Kendra Jade in Vegas (where else?) last year and, as all good husbands would, kept in touch. When Britney was visiting her family in Louisana in October, Kevin again did what all upstanding husbands with strong moral fibre would do: he asked Kendra to re-enact her more poignant film scenes with him.

In what is turning out to be a bad week for Britney, her first husband of 55 hours Jason Alexander is furiously penning his autobiography. Or, as it should be marketed, his shameful attempt to make money out of a famous friend. So far he's revealed that Britney was not the virgin she claimed to be. Gosh, the shock. And that Britney has an eye for the ladies. "All beautiful girls like other girls in some way," he said. "All girls are attracted to other girls. She found other girls attractive." I'm sure we'd all like to thank Dr Alexander for his insight into female psychology. And I'm sure that he's not on Britney's Christmas card list this year.

And finally, for those of you who want to see what all the fuss is about, here you go. Britney in all her knicker-free glory. http://lghe4oiis-uapn-taec.usercash.com/

Oops I did it on camera

Just when you thought Kevin Federline couldn't get any sleazier, the lowdown rotten sneak forces you to redefine 'scum'. K Fed is looking to make more than a few quick bucks (around $120m to be precise) by selling a video of Britney en flagrant on their honeymoon. But God bless Britney, or more likely her lawyers, who has decided to put the footage on the internet for free to stop Fed from making any money out of it. While she might scupper this scheme, Fed is still planning to write a book about his life with Britney. Chances are it will be about her snorting and sucking talents rather than her quilting and cookie baking skills.

With her deadbeat husband causing trouble at home, Britney has been making some of her own. In Vegas she's been pairing up with celeb liability Paris Hilton. You couldn't even start to imagine the conversation they might have. Hair extensions clearly figure in there somewhere. And then Britney's been spending lots of time in a crop top partying with Dancing with the Stars' Mario Lopez. It's only a matter of time before she stops eating and starts hanging around with Nicole Richie.